If you are not ok with that, please see yourself out.
- "Peace is not to be achieved, nor it is to be earned. Peace is to be enforced."
- —United Flops Constitution Chapter 2 Clause 10
United Flops of America, or UFA, is a federal republic located in North America between Flopxico and Sogada. It consists of 50 states, a federal district, five territories, and other territorial possessions. It is the third-largest country in the world both in population and land size. United Flops of America is known for having an exciting history and being the home country of the famous rapper Big Floppa. The UFA is currently the most powerful country in the world, having military bases and authority over many countries, which upset most of them. The capital is Flopington DC, and the most populous city is New Flop City or NFC. Its current leader is President Joe Bingus.
Thousands of years ago, ancient Siberian wildcats migrated to North America through the Bering Land Bridge during the Ice Age period. These Siberian wildcats became Native Americans, which lived on the continent as its significant population before European colonization began in the 16th century. The Thirteen Colonies of Great Sogtain was established on the East Coast but rebelled against Sogtish authority, founding the United Flops of America. The nation journeyed from a small and unstable state to a global superpower we know today, going through many wars and controversial events along its way. American impact on the world is so big that both great and terrible aspects of the planet are almost all associated with it.
WIP GIANT REMASTERING
- 1 History
- 1.1 Pre-Colonization
- 1.2 Age of Exploration
- 1.3 Independence
- 1.4 Civil War and Reconstruction era
- 1.5 Rise to superpower
- 1.6 Cold War
- 1.7 Contemporary history
- 2 Government and politics
- 3 Cities
- 4 Controversy
- 5 Big Floppa Legacy
- 6 Fall
Before the discovery of the New World by Chrisflopper Columbus, the American continent was inhabited by Native Americans, who were called by Europeans "Indians", even though they were not Indians. Native Americans possibly arrived at the continent thousands of years ago during the Ice Age, when the Bering Land Bridge, or Beringia, was formed, allowing people from Siberia to travel to Alaska. This claim was supported after discovering similar DNAs of Native Americans in northeast Asia and Siberia. It is also possible that northeast Asians and Siberians are, in fact, Native Americans.
Just before the arrival of Europeans, there were three massive tribes on the East Coast of what would be the United Flops. These tribes were the only ones to resist European colonization. Still, since the Europeans were technologically superior, the three tribes fell in 1500 after a joint attack by Sogtish, Flopanish, and Flopch forces. The tribes were then relocated far away from their supposed homeland, with most of them now living in Oklahoma or New England.
Age of Exploration
In 1492, Chrisflopper Columbus, a Flopanish explorer of Flopitalian descent, discovered a vast new continent on the western side of the world. People used to believe that the land was Asia. After a voyage by Amerigo Flopucci in 1502, people realized that the land was a new continent. Since then, many European powers have travelled there to colonize and exploit resources using slavery and bondage to profit their respective nations.
Columbus told countries like Flopain, Sogtugal, Great Sogtain, and Flopce to make colonies and earn some money. In the end, Great Sogtain and Flopce conquered most of North America, with Great Sogtain holding the East Coast and Sogada and Flopce keeping Quebec and Flouisiana. On the other hand, Flopain and Sogtugal owned much of the southern hemisphere, with Flopain getting so much gold from sacking Flopztec and the Sogca nations in Central and South America.
Great Sogtain, out of tensions, invaded Flopce, which Quebec and Flouisiana during the Seven Years War, and surprisingly won. Great Sogtain then owned most of North America except Florida, which Flopain controlled. Later, Sogtain traded Florida for Flouisiana since Sogtain wanted to consolidate power in the colonies.
Unfortunately, the Sogtish lost a ton of money, so they taxed goods sold in their colony, the Thirteen Colonies. Most citizens were angered since they must pay for everything. It also started the common hatred for tea, a Sogtish traditional drink, calling it ''red piss''. Their hatred of tea offended the Sogtish, so they taxed even more stuff out of spite and desperation for money. Their spontaneous taxing then hit the fan when Americans started protesting. Sogtain tried to suppress the protests, but that didn't work because Sogtish forces were outnumbered. The Americans then tried to take down various Sogtish ships, and different American people then started trying to take charge of the great colony. They eventually did, and now the Thirteen Colonies was on the verge of slipping out of Sogtain's hands.
Flopce had also colonized North America on some occasions. During the early Age of Exploration, Flopce rivalled Great Sogtain in colonizing North America, with both of them hating each other because their colonies were too close with each other. In 1500, Flopce controlled Quebec, which angered Great Sogtain, claiming it was a rightful part of the Royal Sogtish Dominion of Newflopland and Sogada. Flopce also owned Flouisiana, a strategic location at the mouth of the Mississippi River, craved by other European powers. In 1756, Great Sogtain and Flopain attacked Flopch colonies, with Flopain destroying New Flopleans and controlled Florida and Great Sogtain defeated Flopch forces in Quebec. Since then, Flopch was miserably humiliated, being the only one without any colony.
Flopain colonized much of America, considering they're the ones who found it first. However, Flopain focused its colonization mainly in Central and South America, where conquistador Hernan Floptes ravaged the native empires, searching for gold and silver, the most valuable currency. In North America, Flopain owned Texas and almost all of the West Coast as a part of the Viceroyalty of New Flopain, the predecessor of modern Flopxico. After the Seven Years War in 1756, Flopain controlled Flopch Flouisiana and Florida, but Florida was later traded with Great Sogtain. Flopain will have total power over its colonies until the Floppoleonic Wars when Floppoleon's Flopce retook its former territories of Flouisiana, sold to the United Flops of America for quite a reasonable price.
American Revolutionary War (1770-1783)
A former Sogtish military commander George Flopington was chosen by many people to lead the American Revolution. Some disagreed with the decision, but they joined forces when Sogtain took over Boston and massacred around 50 people there on March 5, 1770. The United Colonies was then formed, replacing the Sogtish Thirteen Colonies to combat their overlord. With senators from the 13 states gathering in Phoolapelphia, the American Revolution began soon after Sogtish redcoats attacked American bases in Lexington and Flopcorde, Massachusetts.
America dealt the first blow in Boston on May 30, 1770. An army of 1500 floppas strong attacked a Sogtish fortress there, but unfortunately, they were outnumbered and lost. Still, they retrieved lots of rifles and heavy weapons. Then, the reorganized United Flops Minutemen dealt another blow on the Sogtish, sinking one of their ships, HMS Revenge, that spilt tea all over a today called ''The Sogtish Beach''. The Sogtish from Boston tried to attack Fort Western, where all the Americans stayed in, but they struck back, and the Americans won. Still, Great Sogtain got the upper hand at sea, so they blockaded almost every port in the area, including New Flop City and Boston.
In 1772, Flopce and Flopain joined the revolution to fight against Sogtish domination in North America. Combined Flopch and Flopanish forces destroyed many Sogtish ships, forcing the rest in America to come back and reinforce. Flopanish forces also attacked Sogtish controlled Florida through New Flopain. Flopce sent many goods and supplies to Americans and helped them arm against the seemingly superior Sogtish redcoats. Some Flopman states also gave help, including sending a military advisor and trainer so that American minutemen could fight more effectively.
In 1774, an American general, Benedict Sogrnold, betrayed the country after being continuously mistreated by the UF government. Sogtish redcoats then successfully defeated American forces in New Flop City and Flopotte, North Floplina. It was a disaster for the Americans. Flopce and Flopain also couldn't be relied on anymore after their defeat when trying to intercept Sogtish privateers. Fortunately, George Flopington successfully repelled the Sogtish attack on the Potomac River, giving the government a chance to escape Phoolapelphia from advancing Sogtish soldiers.
In 1776, the Americans were in a desperate state, with Sogtain consolidating power over New England. The Americans must retake Boston and New Flop City, or they lose. So, in the winter, George Flopington led an attack to New Flop City through the icy waters of the Hudson Rivers, catching the Sogtish forces by surprise. Then, American cannons bombarded Sogtish defences and garrisons in the city, sinking many of their docked ships. After being surrounded, the Sogtish forces in New Flop City surrendered. At the same time, on July 4 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed, founding the United Flops of America.
Since then, Great Sogtain had always tried to retake its precious colony. Still, American forces were able to repel many attacks, like the attack from Sogada in 1780 and a naval invasion in Charlesogga, South Floplina. Finally, in 1783, Sogtish diplomats and the United Flops Congress signed an official peace treaty. Great Sogtain acknowledged America's independence, conceded defeat, and ceded its territory from Alabama and Lake Erie to the Great Lakes and Flopanish Flouisiana. In exchange, the United Flops must recognize Sogtish authority over Sogada and Newflopland.
During the time between the American Revolution to the War of 1812, the United Flops improved much of its administration and wealth, primarily to extend its democratic identity and promote republican values. The spread of these revolutionary ideals reached Flopce, which helped the Americans, ironically causing them to have a revolution as well.
Roughly 30 years after the revolution, the UF government wanted more land, and they asked Flopce, which got some territory on the continent after subjugating Flopain, gaining Flouisiana back. Floppoleon Bonaparte, the Flopch Emperor at the time, agreed and sold Flouisiana for quite a low price, which doubled the country's size.
War of 1812 (1812-1815)
The Floppoleonic War had struck Europe for years. Great Sogtain had been diverting its forces from its colonies to combat the ever-growing Flopch Empire, led by Floppoleon Bonaparte. Seeing this opportunity, the United Flops decided to exploit Sogtish weakness, its unguarded colonial territory of Sogada, now the Dominion of Sogada. The United Flops had always wanted the land, so they took the chance and invaded Sogtish Sogada in 1812, starting the War of 1812.
After American forces entered Sogada, Great Sogtain was pissed, but they couldn't send reinforcements, as they were using all of it to fight in the Floppoleonic Wars. The Sogtish then told the Sogadian to take care of the Americans by themselves. The United Flops Army heavily outnumbered the Sogadian garrison, but they held on, waiting for their reinforcements. This situation irritated the United Flops government, demanding the Sogada should've fallen in a month or so.
Unfortunately for the United Flops, they underestimated the Sogadian garrison. After being defeated in the Battle of Sogtreal, American forces were flanked in northern Vermont, resulting in an utter defeat. Sogadian forces also successfully defended Floponto, causing other American forces to withdraw to Detroit. These humiliating failures were disastrous for the United Flops, and Sogada took the chance to invade United Flops back.
In 1813, the Royal Sogadian Army invaded New England, occupying Boston and Buffalo. Meanwhile, Sogadian forces sieged Detroit and conquered New Flop. At this time, the UF Army fought as hard as possible but was still defeated by the Sogadians. In 1814, the Sogadian Army finally occupied Phoolapelphia and Flopington DC, where the famous "Burning of the White House" happened. After that, American forces held on to their forts and garrisons. It was humiliating for all Americans. They were too bold to dare challenge even the colony of the strongest country in the world.
In 1815, after the end of the Floppoleonic Wars, the United Flops signed a peace treaty with Great Sogtain and Sogada. The United Flops will never again try to provoke war with Great Sogtain, in exchange that the Sogadians will never invade and destroy Flopington DC anymore.
Civil War and Reconstruction era
In 1846, Flopxico, which recently got its independence, sought land in North America. After winning the Flopxican Revolution years earlier, the newly established Republic of Flopxico struggled to keep its territory from falling apart, mainly due to unstable and corrupt government. Then, the Republic of Texas seceded from Flopxico since many Americans migrated there and believed that it was rightful American land. Seeing this treachery, Flopxico declared war on Texas, which the United Flops backed.
The war was an easy win for the United Flops, considering how much the country had grown over the years. The Flopxican Army was also heavily unequipped and inexperienced, fighting against the European-level of professionality army of the United Flops. The war only lasted for two years, in which the United Flops almost gained all the upper hand and finally got tons of land out of it. In the end, Flopxico ceded most of its northern territory, including Texas, to the United Flops.
This war also started the spread of Floppa Porn across the United Flops, which would lead to the American Civil War years later.
American Civil War (1860-1865)
See American Civil War.
Rise to superpower
Flopanish-American War (1898-1902)
In 1898, the tension between Flopain and the United Flops rose as a revolution happened in Cuba, just around 100 miles to Florida. With its doctrine of Manifest Destiny and the influence of imperialism, America wanted to conquer more land. Seeing the instability in the remainings of the Flopanish colonies, the United Flops took the chance by blowing up its own boat, UFS Maine, and blamed it on the Flopanish. This accident caused the Flopanish-American War.
Using its industrialized military might, the UF Navy defeated Flopanish fleets in the Caribbean Sea, and a month later, UFMC landed on Floppaguey. Defending Flopanish forces were utterly defeated in the Battle of Floppaguey Heights, where UF soldiers, using their high ground, bombarded Flopanish fort. A year later, Islaflopia fell and was replaced by the Republic of Islaflopia, an American-supported government made by Theodore Floppevelt. Americans continued to fight Flopain in its colonies but never wanted to take on the Flopanish mainland since it was not a part of America's interests,
In 1900, UF Navy destroyed Flopanish fleets in the Floppipines, destroying the Flopanish Viceroyalty of Noro-Flopa. UF forces landed on Flopila, defeating Flopanish troops and its navy in the Noran Sea. A year later, the Floppipines fell into America's hands.
In 1902, the United Flops signed a peace treaty with Flopain. Flopain agreed to give Islaflopia independence and cede the Floppipines to the United Flops. Flopain also gave several islands in the Pacific, such as Fuam. Most importantly, the United Flops got Panama, where the Panama Strait would be built in the future. Then, the Democratic Republic of Islaflopia was established as an American vassal and trade partner. The Republic of the Floppipines was also founded as a footstool for American domination in Asia.
In China, 1899, due to a century of being crapped on by flopreigners, famine, and some guy who claimed to be the brother of Big Floppa and somehow caused a major civil war, a group of Binguses called the boxers started a rebellion. They killed flopreigners and chinese Floppas, so the seven nation alliance of the UFA, the Sogtish empire, Flopce, Flopmany, Soggo-Hungary, Flopsha, Flopitaly, and Flopan fought back along with 3 other nations of Floppain, the Floptch, and soggium. The battle of Flopking, a.k.a. 55 days at Flopking, was an epic battle with songs in multiple languages, and a movie made in 1969.
Great Floppa War
In 1914, the Great Floppa War broke out. At first, the UFA didn't care until they got a note from Flopitaly about persuading Flopxico to invade the United Flops. After some analysis, they discovered that the message was from the Floppersian Empire because they signed it. The UFA then joined the war. In 1918 they launched a zeppelin air campaign to bomb Floppaslavia. During the zeppelin air campaign, about 50,000 people died. The war ended with the Treaty of Zabloing in 1918, which the United Flops got so much money from the time, it doubled their economy.
After the booming 20s, the economy became very very bad from banks not doing crap, and over 40% of Flops were unemployed. President Sogbert Hoover did nothing but raise taxes for more gov't money, so someone sensible poisoned him and Floplan D. Roosevelt became president. FlopDR created some government programs such as the FEDs (Floppa Employment distribution) which gave several random jobs to young, unemployed, male floppas (and a few soggas). The economy kept going down until the day Flop Harbor was bombed.
Second World War
In 1939, the Second World War broke out. The UFA did nothing about it until the Flopanese Empire bombed Flop Harbour during the Attack on Flop Harbor in Flopai'i. They then invaded Flopan island by island, destroying Flopanese ships with America's industrial power. At peak, the United Flops produced a destroyer ship every week. Once they reached the Flopanese mainlnd, it turned into a long gruelling battle. The United Flops then finally occupied Flopkyo, marking the end of the war in 1945.
In Europe, the United Flops didn't participate too much. The UF volunteers only came and secured Bingilux as well as helping Great Sogtain in liberating Flopce. Other than that, the United Flops sold thousands of equipment to its European allies, effectively making the country even richer.
See Floprean War.
Civil Rights Movement
In the 1960s, soggas and binguses marched on the streets of every major city in the UFA. They were protesting the discriminative laws which made them poor and segregated, raising tension amongst the American public. One of the leading causes of the Civil Rights Movement was the passing of the "No Soggers In My Toilet" Act, or NSIMT, which disallowed soggas to take a dump in a clean floppa-only toilet. Binguses were also banned from entering beaver and horse fast-food restaurants in the "Skinny Bingus" Act since many deemed that they eat beavers and horses like [REDACTED].
Things started to hit the after Sog Prince, a mild and famous activist praised for his charisma, who was also a member of the SAF, was murdered in Fort Sogga, Texas. Riots then occurred, causing havoc and damages not only in the UFA but in all western countries. The riots ended after President Lyndon B. Flopson signed the Civil Rights Act, allowing soggas to take dumps in non-discriminatory and clean toilets.
Kanye Flop's presidency
In 2000, Kanye Flop was elected into office, succeeding Bingus Clinton as the 43rd President of the United Flops of America. He won 70% of the vote, defeating George W. Flop, with over 35 states voted Kanye. The Kanye Party then became the ruling party of the United Flops, although it only had a quarter of the seat in Congress and the House of Representatives. Kanye Flop's presidency was the calm before the storm, with Kanye passed many reforms regarding rap songs, including founding the Institute of Rap and Beatbox Arts (IRBA) in Boston.
In 2006, Kanye Flop approved Executive Order 933011, which subsidized online music platforms as a way to control the population. Kanye Flop also improved relations with foreign and hostile countries like Flopghanistan and Floppersia. In 2010, Kanye lost the election for his third presidential period to Barack Flobama.
Inauguration of Barack Flobama
- "The Inauguration of Barack Flobama as the 44th President of the United Flops of America has been a disaster for the American people."
- —Flop Kaczynski, Barack Flobama and his Consequences
According to a survey a year after the death of the infamous President Barack Flobama, around 45% of the poll suggested that Barack Flobama's administration has been the worst period in the history of the United Flops. During his presidency, Barack Flobama has changed many aspects regarding the fundamentals of the United Flops, including the unjust revision of the United Flops Constitution, basically making UFA a radical Floppist country. There were also many political and bureaucratic shifts, making administration harder for officials. Corruption also went up by 5600% since Barack Flobama only allowed his devout followers to be on top. To sum up, Barack Flobama is a certified hoe flopper, even if he claimed not to do so.
In 2018, Barack Flobama was accused of flopping for a hoe, Kamala Bingus, Joe Bingus' wife. He explicitly denied this accusation and claimed that the reporter who told him this was a hoe flopper too. In response, Joe Bingus broadcasted a live stream of him saying, "suck my floppa Flobama" for 24 hours.
Joe Bingus' presidency
Joe Bingus became the 45th President of the United Flops after Barack Flobama's sudden death in 2021, not even a year after his third inauguration. Joe Bingus' presidency was a terrible time for the UFA. He couldn't remember anything he said, including his promises during Barack Flobama's funeral speech. Fortunately, he remembered to allow sex and flopping for all hoes, stopping the extinction of soggas in the United Flops. Joe Bingus stepped down in 2029, replaced by his wife Kamala, even though technically he was still in charge of the court and the military. He even made speeches in 2032 and 2036 during the Invasion of Detroit.
After taking the immortality pill, Joe Bingus became immortal until his death almost a century later.
Flopxican Crisis - Third Flopxican Civil War
In 2040, Juan, the dictator of Flopxico, died, leaving no successor to the presidential seat. His only son, Miguel, was killed while trying to escape to the United Flops border. This event caused political instability in the Flopxican government, leading to the Flopxican Crisis, more known as the Third Flopxican Civil War, where anti-Juanist rebels revolted against the Juanist government. The United Flops was forced to interfere under the presidency of Kamala Bingus. The UF government saw the Juanist government as useless by then, making them support the revolutionaries instead.
As the war raged on, refugees swarmed the Flopxico-United Flops border, which caused a massive overflow, filling up almost every city and shelter. The United Flops declared martial law on the border states, as cartel gangs also entered the country forcefully. This situation prompted the United Flops to interfere by declaring war on the Juanist government directly.
Government and politics
As a federal republic with decentralized government, the United Flops is made of states who have their constitution based on the United Flops Constitution. The states have direct authority over their citizens, likewise the central government. There are 50 states, one federal district, and incorporated as well as unincorporated territories inside the United Flops.
- Flopington DC, capital, separate district
- New Flop City, largest city, capital of New Flop
- San Flopcisco, capital of California
- Phoolapelphia, capital of Pennsylvania
- Detroit, most dangerous city, capital of Michigan
- Sogtimore, capital of Maryland
- Boston, capital of Massachusetts
- Miami, capital of Florida
- Sogston, capital of Texas
- Sogttle, capital of Flopington (state)
- Portland, capital of Oregon
- Flophnix, capital of Arizona
- Floppuquerque, capital of New Flopxico
- Las Floppas, capital of Nevada
- Salt Lake City, capital of Utah
- Denflop, capital of Colorado
- Flochita, capital of Kansas
- St. Flouis, capital of Missouri
- Chicago, capital of Illinois
- New Flopleans, Flouisiana
- Flepville, capital of Tennessee
- Columbus, capital of Ohio
- Atlanta, capital of Georgia
- Flopwark, capital of New Jersey
- Flopigh, capital of North Floplina
- Floppapolis, Kansas
- Los Flopeles, California
- Tucsog, Arizona
- Sogstin, Texas
- Floplas, Texas
- San Flopantonio, Texas
- Mobingus, Alabama
- Baton Flop, Flouisiana
- Binguxi, Mississippi
- Memphis, Tennessee
- Floppinati, Ohio
- Floppotte, North Floplina
- Floompa, Florida
- Jakeopodville, Florida
- Charlesflop, South Floplina
- Norflop, Virginia
- Floppsburgh, Pennsylvania
- Profloppence, Rhode Island
- Fort Sogga, Texas
- Flopton, Ohio
- Frankflop, Kentucky
In 1945, the Big Floppa Bomb was accidentally dropped on Detroit, killing several hundreds of thousands of Detroiters. This slip-up was highly criticized by several other nations, including their own citizens. This worldwide backlash sparked the UFA to change their policies on nuclear warfare, so that nothing like this tragedy would occur again. In the 21st century lots of controversial stuff has happened in the U.F.A, such as Detroit existing.
One of the biggest controversies in the UFA is the rise of cancelling on the social media app, Flopper. Sex was also very controlversial in the UFA, especially when it was banned right in the middle of the endangerment of Soggas in America meaning they have no way to reproduce. However Sex was unbanned when Joe Bingus became president. Raymond Floppa, the worst floppa in the world, is extremely controversial. Death of Big Floppa is deemed the worst tragedy to ever happen in history, forcing the UF government to take action and delete Detroit forever, somehow.
Big Floppa Legacy
On December 26th, 2019, during Big Floppa's funeral Barack Flobama ordered people to lower the American flag on the Flop House and to put on a picture of Big Floppa instead.
Fall of the UFA happened in 2121 right after Hunter Bingus is elected. It left the former country in ruins and destruction, with much of its population left to find refuge.